I want to go on some wild adventure like in tangled and have a fairy tale ending but not really fairy tale like. I want a really cute love story. At the same time..maybe my story is happening. I’ll never know when it’s happening until I look back on it. Ok but tangled makes me jealous as fudge.
Its a new year now..and even though I’m like anti new year, I’m not really, I’m just anti “ooh yeah 2012! Let’s make it so ahhhsome!!!” stop. You sound ridiculous. I’m just excited that this year will be the one where I get to graduate high school and move on to college. It’s a change I am terrified of but I know has to happen. I need to become an adult. I am just so scared my anxiety will spin out of control and who knows what. I just need to be strong. Yeah. Strength. Always been hard for me. Confidence too.
I had a friend tell me the other night I always say the right things. When I think about it, I’m a good kid, and I really do my best to treat everyone deservingly. This kid is not one of my “best” friends but him and I are pretty close on a social level. He knows of my disorder but I haven’t really gone in depth about it to him.. Different conversation for a different day. But the fact he told me I say all the right things makes me realize that I am proud of myself. I don’t have pride, but I am just happy that I can make someone like him happy.
Also..one last side story. Is it weird how up front people can be about their mental stability? I had a dance show a couple of weekends ago and one girl I’m friends with was like “oh shoot I didn’t take my medicine this morning so I’m all dizzy and nervous” which of course prompts the “what do you take medicine for?” and then shes all like (really loud) “I have an anxiety disorder”and it was just one of those things where the room gets silent and awkward and it’s weird. I don’t tell people I have GAD because I don’t think it’s a big deal. I mean it is, and if I’m going to be your best friend obviously I’m going to tell you, but I don’t try to use it as an excuse for something. It’s very personal for me, which is weird because I’m usually the type that wants you to know everything about me. I’m not just gonna go up to people and be like “hi, I’m mentally unstable.” it’s strange. Sometimes I wish I could just tell the people I can’t stand to make them feel bad but I’d never. It’s not me.
I don’t really know who I am either
2am shenanigans
